They're coming.
- Good to see you, jj. - Likewise, general.
- Welcome to Russia. - Right, let's get on with it.
General: Hollow plutonium pit.
9.7 kilograms, with tritium boost.
A yield of 800 kilotons is possible.
Take your time, gentlemen.
We want everyone to be happy.
So, you have a builder for your weapon yet?
What?
Builder for your weapon.
What do you care?
Obtaining plutonium, step one.
But the build is most critical.
That's it. I know people. Simple question.
No, it is not simple.
You asked me who my builder is. “Whoa! Whoa!
- General: Is there a problem? - Yeah, there is a problem.
I think this guy's a government agent.
Who are you? Interpol?
Mib? CIA?
Don't be crazy.
I'm just a guy
standing in front of another guy,
asking him not to shoot him.
- Oh, Christ. "Notting hill". - He's screwed.
- No, no. He's got this. - What are we gonna do?
Nothing. He's too far out.
He knew this was a solo run.
What do you think you know
that you're pointing weapons at my friend?
His story. Russian mafia.
Supposed international arms dealer.
But no-one I know has heard of you.
- Shows how much you know. - And that fake accent.
Is that supposed to be Russian?
I mean, take an acting class, for god's sake.
You sound like Mickey Rourke in 'lron man 2'.
He's just guessing, testing him.
We're good. Nothing to worry about.
Alright, you got me.
- Oh, crap. - My head's just not in the game.
This whole spy stuff's new to me.
You know, it's weird.
Being a soldier came naturally.
This stuff, you know, not so much.
But there is one thing I'm good at.
What's that?
Kicking ass.
- Holy hell. - I told ya.
Heads up! Come on! Let's go!
Huh?
Man: Kill him!
Oh, you're kidding me!
Come on! Ugh!
J give me a sign... j
j hit me, baby, one more time... &
j my loneliness is killing me
j and I
j I must confess I still believe
j still believe
j when I'm not with you I lose my mind
j give me a sign
- & hit me, baby, one more time - D I must confess... j
man: Jj!
- Way to go, killer. - Thank you.
The man, the myth.
Oh, man. Bobbi ulf, tech support.
Can I just say, it's an honour to meet you.
I have read every page of your case file
and it's a page-Turner, like 'fifty shades of amazing'.
Kim needs to see you asap for the debrief.
You got it. Awesome. Awesome.
Have a good day.
Whoops.
Well, kicked a bunch of ass.
Quite the cowboy. Yeah.
- Very heroic! - Thanks, boss.
No, I'm being sarcast...
The mission wasn't just to stop a sale, jj.
The goal was to find out what they knew
so we could take the rest of the network down.
But that's kinda difficult now, seeing that you killed everyone.
Gregovich. Hassan's head of finance.
Hassan's head.
Look, it's because of you we have nothing.
We've got the plutonium core.
Turns out there are two cores, actually.
This man, azar, just got away with it,
the only one you didn't kill.
Now he has half of what he needs
to blow up a major city.
Look, your special forces record is impeccable.
But intelligence is a different kind of ball game.
You know, spy craft requires finesse,
nuance, emotional intelligence.
I've got those. I have plenty of emotional intelligence.
So you're saying that you can just read
the slightest and most subtle of facial cues
to assess a target's temperament?
Absolutely.
What does my face say?
Should I start reading now?
Oh, my god.
Look, jj, I respect you, ok?
You put up some big wins for us.
But, with all due respect, I...
I just don't think you're cut out for this.
Take the rest of the day off.
Go home and get some rest, alright?
Thanks, Jimmy.
Goodnight, blueberry.
Alexa, play something soothing.
Girl: This is my favourite shirt.
It's just this really cool French band that I like.
I saw them in a concert when I lived in France.
I'm really into French music.
Hmm? Yeah.
Now that you mention it,
I guess living in France was pretty cool.
Come ice-skating with you Saturday?
Well, I could ask my mom.
Ok, how was that?
I know. I know, ozzie.
I lost them with, "I'm really into French music."
Cool shirt. Did you get that from my room?
Hmm? Oh, yeah.
- How's school going? - Great.
Elementary school girls
are really warm and welcoming to new kids.
We're, like, the first ones they invite to all the parties.
- You know what I think? - Not too late to homeschool me?
No.
I think that if you're just yourself
that you are going to make some good friends
who see how awesome you are, just like I do.
Who?
All the parents of kids who don't get invited to parties.
Are you gonna eat your egg?
No, thanks.
- Boy: Watch out. - Boy 2: Coming through!
Boy: Yeah, Chicago won.
Yo, what's up, guys? Yo, get out of my seat.
- What is that? - Oh, this?
It's this French band when I was...
Oh, my god. It's jelly.
You have jelly, like, all over your face.
Girl: Definitely posting that on insta.
Actually, I'm... I'm not allowed
to have pictures of myself on the Internet.
It's my mom. She's afraid of cyberbullies.
Who would bully you?
So, I heard there was going to be this big ice-skating party.
Oh, my god. It's already gotten, like, eight likes.
Kim: Despite our failure in Russia,
the NSA has come up with a lead.
They believe Hassan had been working with this man,
Victor Marquez, former French special ops.
He's a French national who's been trading illegal arms
for the past two decades.
Victor has recently stepped up his game into the nuclear arena
and has acquired something truly dangerous -
Soviet schematics for a miniaturised nuke.
For years, he's worked hand in hand with his brother, David.
There were reports of a power struggle between the two.
David didn't want his brother
to have the nuclear plans and hid them.
Enraged, Victor killed him.
Later he was almost captured by police,
but he escaped and is still on the run.
Oh, that poor lady. Does anyone know if she's ok?
She's fine.
If Marquez finds those plans and sells them to azar... boom!
Our mission? Take down Marquez before he can locate the plans.
Do we know his whereabouts?
NSA believes he's headed to Berlin to meet with azar.
- Yes! Love Berlin. - Christina, you'll take it.
We also have intel from MI6.
Decrypted messaging suggests
that Marquez has been in contact with his lawyer from Paris,
an international scumbag named koll.
- Paris is cool too. - Christina, yours also.
- C'est bon. - Jj?
Yes, sir.
You'll be on surveillance with Bobbi.
- Excuse me? - No way.
Dead brother's wife moved back to the us.
Her level of involvement is unclear.
Until we capture Marquez, it's best that we keep an eye on her.
This is your last shot.
Song: J oh, you feel it creep, creeping at the tempo
j don't you need it? Pump, pumping till it crumble
j trouble, trouble's what you need
j that's what you get in getting me... j
yep, this is it.
J I'm a fire just to spark under your halo
j rolling thunder, I'm high up ain't got no shame... j
this is amazing. Finally in the field.
And with you, of all people, on my first mission.
Babysitting civilians is not a mission.
And there is no "you and me".
Well, if this isn't a mission,
then what's this?
Plan b. Yeah.
For an important and potentially dangerous mission.
Do not touch.
Sorry, blueberry.
Bobbi: Home sweet home.
Jj: Oh, Paris, this is not.
Ooh! Dibs on the bed!
Yeah, you can have it. I'll take the couch.
- That's blood. - Oh, that's not blood.
That might be sriracha, or something.
- Maybe they ate in bed. - No, that's blood.
- Mission brief's in. - Finally. Showtime.
Alright. Kate vale, wife of David Marquez, deceased.
Originally from Chicago.
Moved back from Paris three months ago with her daughter.
No close family. No active social media.
She's an er nurse at county hospital.
- Think the job's a cover? - I don't know.
Alright, that's her daughter, Sophie. Nine years old.
Just started 4th grade at oak tree charter.
Meh, I could definitely take her.
Let's get to work.
Alright, let's make this quick.
Shh! Shh!
That's amazing. Do you always have bacon on you?
Yeah.
The closet? That's a little mean.
I'm gonna search the apartment. Get the cameras set up.
Alright. Cameras are up, jj.
- And they all check out. - Copy that.
Just wrapping it up here.
Oh, she's back.
Kate: I got my check at the restaurant
before I realised I forgot my wallet.
I know. I know. I'm losing it.
Uh, well, no, I'm gonna grab it now.
I'll be there in 20. Do not worry.
- Bobbi: Hide! - Jj: Where?
Somewhere a w... A wallet wouldn't be.
Kate: You know how I drive.
I'll see you soon. 'Bye.
Huh.
Stop. Stop it. Stop it.
Bobbi: Ok, she is just tearing the place apart.
Ok, she's coming down the hallway.
Oh, she's in the room.
Oh, my god.
What's my next move?
She's in the kitchen. Evac in five, four... now.
Out the front door, out the front door. And we freeze.
Go, go, go, go.
Bobbi: Aw, that's nice.
I'm losing my mind.
God, I can't take this.
I know.
The tension, the anticipation, the excitement.
You could get addicted
to the adrenaline high pretty quickly.
No, the boredom.
Oh, yeah. I know. There's so many layers, huh?
Hey, I just wanna say I'm real excited to be learning from you.
Jj: I am not teaching you anything.
I don't know. It's more of a mentor/mentee relationship.
- We have zero relationship. - Yet.
But we're building toward something pretty great.
I can just feel it.
You'll share your harrowing experiences in the field.
And I'll show you some...
Do not touch.
Ok, that was awesome. That's what I'm talking about!
You gotta teach me how to do stuff like this.
With your lack of motor skills, that would be impossible.
You're the tech. I'm the action.
Oh, yeah, well, maybe I become the action, surprising everyone.
You might need me to save your ass in a pinch.
You will never save my ass.
Assist? I could assist you.
Come on, it couldn't hurt to show me a few things, huh?
Just in case...
Ow.
Kate: Hey. Close the door, please.
Thank you.
I know that face.
What face?
The "I'm about to drop some disappointing news on you" face.
No. This is my "should we have spaghetti tonight?" Face.
Which also looks like my "we can't go ice-skating" face.
Mom!
I'm doing an extra shift at the hospital, Sophie. Sorry.
- Everyone's going. - I know, I know.
But I don't have a choice.
Listen, how about when I get home we do something together?
- We can go to the movies. - Sure.
Hanging out with my mom is way cooler than making friends!
I hate this place!
Yeah. Me too.
Man: Oh, so, because we're gay, you just assume we ice-skate?
We see sparkles and sequins and hear céline Dion music,
and we just can't help ourselves, huh?
- Like moths to a flame. - Oh, my goodness.
No, I'm sorry. That... that's not...
I'm just playing, girl.
Of course we ice-skate! Are you kidding?
Todd and I met at an ice-dancing class.
That's where I fell for him. Ain't that right, t?
That... that was a yes.
Anyhoo, we'd love to lace up and hit the rink with soph,
but I have a million and one errands to run tomorrow,
and Todd is working from home.
- He's a therapist. - He's a therapist?
The way people open up to him is really amazing.
If you ever need someone to talk to about life or work
or what your hair colour choices say about you...
Oh, oh, actually, this wasn't a choice.
- This is my natural colour. - Mm-hm.
No choice js a choice.
But we will definitely keep an eye on her for you.
Don't worry. Nothing gets by us.
Ain't that right, t?
- That was a yes too. - Yeah?
We got a bogey.
The dog found our camera.
Oh, this is not good.
Oh, ok, she doesn't know what she's looking at.
It's impossible to tell that's a camera.
Are you sure?
Even if she did know, she can't trace it.
It's all wireless and encrypted.
Jj: 1 don't know. She's onto something.
Hmm.
Man: Yeah, chicken piccata with the broccolini you like,
but you're on ice-cream detail.
Hey, Carlos.
And no vanilla. How basic!
Bobbi: Hey. And 20, 25.
Keep the change. Thank you.
Bobbi: Come on, let's review what we missed
when we were buying groceries last night.
Kate: How was school? You learn anything good?
What are you drawing?
Sophie: Nothing.
Kate: Hmm.
"Oh, hey, mom, how was your day?"
Well, actually, it was, um...
It was really intense and stressful.
This three-car mvc with mass casualties
and... and multiple amputations and...
Blood just gushing everywhere.
Sophie: Did that actually happen?
Kate: No. I'm just trying fo get you to say something.
Are you still mad at me about the ice-skating?
That's tough - mom's trying so hard
and that bratty kid won't give her a break.
- I don't think she's bratty. - Hey, how'd you get in here?
Ok, she has a camera. She might be streaming.
- Are you guys CIA? - No.
What makes you think we're CIA?
Are you guys watching us in case my uncle comes back?
No. He hates my mom.
One time they got into a fight at Christmas.
She poured wine all over his head
at this really fancy restaurant.
Ooh, I wouldn't touch that. He doesn't like that.
Jj: You've stumbled into a very sensitive situation,
little lady.
Before you get yourself in big trouble?
But won't you get in big trouble
for having your cover blown by a 9-year-old
who's recording this and streaming it to the cloud?
With just one click, I could send this video to everyone.
Can she do that?
Yeah. Not actually that hard.
Look, little girl, we're your friends.
We're here to help you.
We're here to protect you and your mommy.
Then why are you keeping this all a secret
and hiding cameras in our apartment?
Ok, uh, sidebar? Hmm? Hm.
Alright, we're blown.
- Protocol says we pull out. - No way.
If Kim finds out we got made by a 9-year-old, my career's over.
What's the option?
Kill her. Make it look like an accident.
Yeah. Maybe the stairs. “What?
Uh, that... came off way worse than I meant.
I was kidding. That was a joke. Right?
It was funny.
I'll tell you what -
I'll show my mom this video or we can cut a deal.
Oh, damn, she's good.
What kind of deal?
Just to be clear, this is a one-time arrangement.
Never again. We're out of here in 40 minutes, understood?
Yeah, got it.
Woman: And what can I get for you?
Sophie: Size 4, please.
- And you, sir? - No skates for me.
You're not going to skate?
I said I'd bring you skating. I didn't say I'd skate.
You're going to make me go alone?
Come on, I mean, don't you guys have some saying
like, "no-one left behind" or something?
Yeah. But you're not a soldier.
Wait. Do you not know how?
You've got 30 minutes, then we're leaving.
When you look out there, what do you see?
90 civilians, minimal security, soft perimeter. No cover.
Smiling people having fun. You should try it sometime.
29 minutes.
What, are you afraid?
Size 15.
What are you waiting for? Anyone can skate.
Ok, ok. I got it.
Ugh!
Whoa. Are you ok?
I'm fine.
Nice move! Ba-boom!
Shut up.
Ok, I'm gonna go say hi to some friends.
Hey, mister, you gonna fall again?
- No. - You sure? You're shaking.
Well, if I am, it's with anger,
thinking about what I'm gonna do to you.
Hey, you guys.
- Uh, what are you doing here? - Oh, I come here all the time.
Maybe we could skate together.
Yeah, well, we're kind of doing our own thing.
Boy: Hey, guys, we're gonna play tag.
- Boy 2: Come on! - Be right over! Later.
Oh, thank god.
Boys: Arggh!
You're outta here! Zero-tolerance bullying policy.
Well, they started it!
So, what happened to you out there?
What happened to you?
I think I broke something.
Deep inside.
Ice-cream will make you feel better. It always helps me.
No. Ice-cream wasn't part of the deal.
Would you like to explain that to my mom?
Well?
I feel a little better.
Me too.
- So0, we're cool, right? - What do you mean?
I mean, you can't tell anybody who I am or what I do.
You have to go back to living your life and leave us alone.
Relax, we're cool.
- What's that? - Pinky promise.
- Seriously? - Go on.
You were supposed to be watching her!
- Anything could've happened... - Oh, my god! There she is!
And who are you, touching pinkies?
- Mom, wait! Oh, my god. - Ugh!
Let go of my daughter! Give me my phone!
- I'm calling the police. - Mom, you don't understand.
I ignored your rules and went to the park.
There were these two jerks from school
that pushed me down and it really hurt.
And jj saw it. He lives upstairs.
He recognised me from the building
and calmly talked to the boys
and told them what they did was wrong,
then got ice-cream to make me feel better and walked me home!
Oh, my lord and Taylor! How did you do that?
He has muscles the size of hams! Todd, did you see that?
I know! Todd can't believe it either.
Oh, I, um... I'm sorry. This is my kid.
- Can I just help you... - No.
No, it's ok, I'm good.
I'm just gonna head home and gather my thoughts.
Really, I'm fine. Excuse me.
I think you made a little pee come out.
What happened to you?
I can't even talk about it.
Let's just say the situation has been handled.
- Oh, my god, you killed her! - Shut up.
Hey, big fella!
How are the huevos?
- Yeah, they're fine. - Really?
Because it looked like you were in a lot of pain yesterday.
No, I'm ok.
Todd said he thought he saw you crying.
What? I wasn't crying.
Todd was wondering what you did for work.
He's such a busybody,
always interrogating the new neighbours.
I'm taking a break right now, trying to figure it out.
Welcome to the building, jj. We'll see you around.
Yeah, thanks.
Kate: Sophie, help!
I need you! Now!
Jj! I was just coming to get you! Come on, hurry!
Sophie, bring me some more towels, please!
- Mom, jj's here. - What? Why?
- Here, let me help. - Uh, no.
I've got this under control. But thank you.
It's the plumbing in these old buildings.
I just need to tighten the pipe.
It's not a pipe, it's a loose fitting.
Ozzie, no!
That is so weird.
He usually hates strangers,
but he seems to be inordinately into you.
- Jj: Yeah, that is weird. - Oh, come here, baby.
I guess you were right about the fitting.
Yeah. I just don't understand what happened.
Maybe jj could stay for dinner?
- Hmm? - No, I couldn't possibly.
I think you could.
Bobbi: Oh, my god.
We're out of olive oil.
There's a new bottle in the back, behind the mustard.
I'd... bet.
Thanks.
Oh, excuse me for a second. I... I'd better take this.
Sure.
- Hey. - Hey, glad I caught you.
I was just calling to see why you're drinking rosé
in the bathroom of our target's house!
Wait. Did you put a camera in the bathroom?
What kind of perv puts a camera in the bathroom?
A genius pervert, that's who.
People go there when they don't want to be heard.
- Apparently. - Hey, don't make this about me.
What the hell are you doing in there?
- They invited me for dinner. - And you said yes?!
I had no choice. The kid ambushed me.
Ok, alright, um, we're gonna get through this.
Um... I g... guess... Here's what we're gonna do.
You're gonna go to dinner,
and you're gonna be polite and innocuous,
and then you will get the hell out.
You think?
- Do you have any better ideas? - Yes.
I'll dose them with sodium pentothal
while you hack the cloud, get the kid's recordings.
Then we wire the building so it looks like a gas leak.
Boom. Zero evidence. We're outta here.
Alright, fine, we'll go with your idea.
Mm, sorry, the chicken's a little dry.
Mm, yeah, it's really overcooked.
Well, you think this is bad? Mm.
One time in Afghanistan, we were cut off for a month,
and all we had to eat were these lizards.
We couldn't shoot 'em 'cause that would attract the enemy,
so we had to bash their little heads in with rocks.
Really messy work.
Then we had to cook 'em over c-4,
which gave them this awful chemical taste.
But, hell, by that time
we were drinking our own urine anyway, so...
Um... I'm really sorry.
I haven't had dinner with civilians in a long time.
Hey, mom, I was thinking, since you can't take me
to parents and special friends day tomorrow at school,
maybe jj could take me.
I don't think that's the best idea.
- Not the best idea. - Why not?
Because I'm sure he's very busy.
- Very busy. - He's not. He's unemployed.
He just sits around all day watching tvs.
Sophie, that's not very nice.
No, not nice.
It's just... everyone else has someone to bring,
and you said you can't get out of work,
and I'm not going to have anybody.
And I'm gonna be the only one.
Please?
Seriously? Special friends day?
That kid is tricky, man.
I miss dealing with terrorists.
- Sophie: Goodnight, jj! - Oh, she's good.
And goodnight to your lesbian friend too.
Jj: So, what are we walking into here?
I don't know. This is my first special friends day.
Weak intel is never a good starting position.
Noted.
Remember, I need to keep a low profile,
so no discussing who I am or what I do.
And this is it.
No more special persons days or skating or anything.
I've got a job to do.
This ain't gonna end up like some movie, with you and me
sitting in little chairs, having a tea party with dolls.
Hey, and just to be clear, I'm onto you.
I know you busted the sink.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Once upon a time, there was a little girl
who got way too big for her britches.
Then one day she disappeared
and no-one ever found the body.
You like stories? I got a story.
Once there was a CIA agent
that put cameras in a little girl's bathroom
while seducing her mom over chicken and wine.
Pretty sure they don't teach that at Langley.
Jesus Christ!
You can't back out now. We're here.
I'm not backing out.
I just never liked school very much.
No-one does. It's school.
We're all just trying to survive it.
Come on.
Welcome, everyone.
Our students are so excited
to be able to show off their school today,
so why don't we begin
by meeting a few of our parents and special friends?
Who would like to go first?
- Andre. - Ibrought my mom.
Hi.
I'm Tina, and I help people manage their money
so that by the time they decide to stop working,
they have a nest egg.
My team and I make the schedule
for all the flights at the airline,
which is over 3,000 a day.
And by controlling this tiny little robot,
I can actually repair the heart valve from the inside
and with this procedure,
I save over a hundred lives a year.
Sophie, who do you have with you today?
- Uh, my hand wasn't up. - That's ok.
Um, this is my special friend, jj.
Jj: Excuse me. - Girl: Ow!
God. I'm sorry, kid.
- Ah. - Oh, god.
- Girl: Ow! That's my foot! - Jj: Sorry.
Hi, everyone. Uh, my name is jj.
Uh...
Professionally, I'm exploring my options right now.
- Unemployed. - Shh.
In my former line of work, I was...
I took out garbage.
I took it out all over the world, actually.
Oh, my god. Sad.
Manners, class. Everyone's experiences are valuable, ok?
There's nothing to be ashamed of.
She's so weird. Why would she bring him?
When I said I took out the garbage...
I meant human trash.
The truth is
I'm a former army ranger
who now works for secret operations
for a us intelligence agency
that may or may not or may be the CIA.
Well, I'm not really supposed to talk about it,
but I saw some judging and some unkindness,
so I just wanted to set the record straight.
But if any of this information were to leave this room,
I will find you.
No, I'm just kidding.
Sort of.
Have you ever been shot? Yes.
- Can we see the scars? - Helen!
- Have you ever killed anyone? - How many?
Look, that's not what's important.
What you have to remember here is,
is they were all bad guys, you know?
Terrorists, hijackers, kidnappers, human traffickers
or just really annoying.
Yeah, I really don't think we need to be celebrating this.
Sit down, hal. You've had your turn.
And everything I did
was in the service of keeping America safe.
Earl st Clair: J my friend say I should live a little
j need to start saying yes more
j I comprise and meet him in the middle
j 'cause new actions will get you new results... j
j it's life and I'm supposed to live it out
j I'm holding on to the universe
j praying that she don't let me down... j
8, 9, 10. Ready or not, here I come.
J end up in love, love, love
j if the world that we live in is crazy... j
found you.
J I'm feeling alive
j I'm feeling alive, alive, alive
j I'm feeling alive... j
- See you tomorrow, Sophie. - See you, Emily.
- Hello, jj. - Hey, ms Besser.
Oh, please, call me Pam.
I just wanted to tell you how impressed I am
and how glad I was to get to meet you today.
Thanks. My pleasure.
I think everyone really enjoyed it.
Have a nice day.
- Well, see you around. - Alright.
Tear that up. “What?
- You heard me. - Yeah, but...
Conflict of interest.
- Now eat it. - No!
- Hey, you guys. - Mom!
- How'd it go today? - We had the best day.
See you later, Sophie!
- 'Bye, jj. - See you.
I'm gonna go say 'bye to my friends.
Sure.
Wow. Seems you made quite the impression.
On everyone.
- Thank you for today. - Yeah. Sure.
Sophie just seems so happy.
How's it going?
We had a deal.
I just wanted to say thank you
for coming to my school last week.
You made a really big impression on my friends and my mom.
Yeah, glad I could help... For the last time.
- You're not married, are you? - Why?
I'm trying to figure you out. What's your real story?
Under the rough exterior, you seem like a nice guy,
but sort of damaged and alone.
You gotta be kidding me.
- I'm thinking dead wife. - No.
- Dead partner? - No.
Led a group of buddies into action,
made a bad call, lost them and still haunted by it?
Will you stop?
Look, it's hard being deployed.
It's even harder on the people that you leave at home.
The mission before last, I got shot.
When I got home, my fiancee left me. She couldn't take it.
My job's just... It's better to be alone.
People always seem to get hurt, one way or another.
So...
Why am I telling you all this?
And the fish is all you have to remember her by?
Nice talking to you. Wait!
What if I told you I was thinking about being a spy too
when I grow up?
- Alright. Good luck with that. - I'm serious.
You don't believe me?
Look, kid, you're just not the spy type.
Oh, I see.
So, I should just stay in my box
and dream of being maybe a barista
or a fashion designer or a wedding planner?
Or maybe an er nurse like your mother?
You know, I was thinking of asking Bobbi anyway.
She seems more like the brains of the operation,
whereas you're more the brawn.
Who are you calling 'brawn'? Bobbi's an analyst.
She doesn't have an ounce of my training.
If anybody's gonna teach you, it's gonna be...
Nicely done.
Don't do that again.
So, what's first? Shooting range? Obstacle course?
They don't let 9-year-olds into shooting ranges.
Where's the fun in that?
Now, we know you're a pretty good liar,
but what if you're caught by the enemy
and faced with 3 lie detector test?
Why are we doing this? She shouldn't even be in here.
Alright. The key is to focus on your breathing.
The slightest increase in your blood pressure
is an indicator that you're not telling the truth.
We'll start with something simple.
I'll ask you a question
and you'll answer with an obvious lie.
I don't wanna see those needles move. Is that clear?
Alright. Here we go.
Sophie: So, when do I get my first assignment?
Jj: When I decide that you're ready.
- I am ready. - Oh, yeah? Alright.
See that apartment building there?
Yeah.
You know anybody who lives there?
- No. - 10 minutes.
I wanna see you on one of those balconies.
You want me to talk my way into some stranger's apartment?
Do you know how dangerous that is?
You didn't have a problem walking into my apartment.
I only need five minutes.
What do you do for a living?
I'm a kgb agent posing as a fourth-grader.
My brother has three legs and sells crack
and my mother is a prostitute.
I don't need a machine to tell me if someone's lying.
Yeah? Yeah. I can smell a lie.
Endorphins release an odour, palms sweat
and the ultimate tell - the slightest blink of an eye.
That's all I need. You mean like this?
Jj, I think you're a really sweet and sensitive person.
Jj, I admire all of your tattoos.
Stop.
Jj, I believe you that you've never taken steroids.
Jesus Christ!
Jj, stop. Seriously. For real. I'm just joking.
Now, in any fight, you need an element of surprise.
Now, you're tiny and weak and I'm the opposite,
so the objective of this exercise is to get past me.
Now, a good idea might be to cause a distraction
because, otherwise, there'd be zero chance of you...
Blueberry!
Blueberry! Oh, god. Ok.
That's some cold-blooded shit.
So far, I could have learned anything you've taught me
from YouTube.
Oh, yeah? Is that so?
I mean, when are you gonna teach me the fun stuff,
like how to walk away from an explosion without looking back
or what cool line you say before you take someone out?
You need to stop getting all your spy knowledge
from "mission: Impossible'.
But...
If I was gonna say a cool line,
I have to keep it real fresh.
You'd have a different line for different bad guys?
Yep.
What if the assassin was disguised as an ice-cream man?
I'd say, "chill out." And then I'd stab him with a freezer pop.
- A sidewalk Santa? - "Jingle all the way... to hell."
A guy dressed up as a dog, selling watches?
"Time's up, bitch."
- How was your day? - It was good. Yours?
Fine.
- Something wrong? - No.
Are you sure?
'Cause it seems like something might be bothering you.
You helped train her how to pass a lie detector, but not me.
I mean, I don't wanna be ageist here, jj, but she is nine.
She still sleeps with a night-light.
I'm a professional hacker with a master's degree in english.
We just spent a little time together.
I wasn't really teaching her anything.
Oh, well, you taught her how to place shaped charges.
- It was just play-doh. - That's not the point.
- Should I get you some play-doh? - I can get my own play-doh.
Are you sure? Because I'd be happy to get you some.
Don't you make this about the play-doh.
This is about us. We're partners.
I already told you, you are not my partner.
Hey!
Did you make dinner?
Let me just hop right on that.
Hello? Hello? Hello?
Victor, what are you doing here?
Relax.
There's no signal or surveillance
that this will not jam.
- What are you talking about? - The CIA is all over you.
They're gonna be coming through that door in two minutes,
which means you have exactly one to give me what I need.
Anything.
Where did my brother put the plans?
I don't know.
- I think you do. - He didn't trust me.
He didn't trust anyone, especially you.
All I heard him say was that it was with his best friend.
His best friend?
Yes, but I don't know who that is.
I do.
I gotta head out.
Hey. Are you ok? What's the emergency?
We need to have 'the talk'.
Excuse me?
You got off on the wrong track with my mom,
but I see the real you and I think this can still work.
I've been doing some research.
'Cosmo' online says you should be masculine,
but also sensitive and emotionally vulnerable.
Sophie, what's going on? Did you lie to get me here?
- Well... - Jj, what are you doing here?
Jj wanted to come to our art show and see some of my work.
Apparently, he loves art. You do?
Yeah. Yeah, sure. I mean...
I mean, Sophie, what you've done here...
With the colour, it's... it's amazing,
and you can actually tell that that's a bird.
As opposed to this piece of crap.
I mean, what the hell is that?
I mean, it looks like a hot dog taking a dump on a cat.
That is... That is horrible, right?
Right? That is so...
Let me finish.
I'm gonna run ahead, mom. I've got homework to do.
- Later, jj. - See you, kid.
Hey, I'm sorry for what happened back there.
I have a knack of putting my foot in my mouth.
Really? Hadn't noticed.
You get used to being alone
and, all of a sudden, you're not good with people anymore.
Yeah. I guess I know a little bit about that too.
But, you know, what is it they say about parenting?
It's not just about what you say.
It's about being there, showing up.
Sophie hasn't had that for a while.
Her dad passed away about a year ago.
She keeps pretending she's ok, but I can tell she's struggling.
No. She's tough like her mom.
- I don't know how tough I am. - L1 do, believe me.
My balls still hurt.
So sorry about that.
Do you want to know a secret?
Yeah, sure.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
I'm just winging it.
Yeah. Me too.
Oh, look at this little guy.
Kate: Ooh. Oh, I think he's sick.
Jj: No, he just needs a little help.
There you go, little guy.
You're gonna be just fine, mi amigo.
Alright. There you go, safe and sound.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe me just being here, showing up,
was all that little guy needed.
Oh!
L... did not see that coming.
Oh, man. Poor bird.
- I had a thought. - Yeah?
I happen to have Thursday night off from work
and I wondered if you might wanna grab a bite.
I promise not to cook.
Um...
Yeah.
- Ok. Great. - Yeah, that'd be great.
- See you later. - Alright.
Kate: Have a good night.
- Jj! - Hey.
What the heck happened?
- How did you turn that around? - You were listening?
Honestly, I have no idea.
Not what I expected, but you can't blow this now.
Restaurant ideas?
I jogged by this tapas bar that has dancing.
Dancing? Show me something.
Floss? Dab? Crunk? Level up? Anything?
No. “We've come too far.
I am not letting you ruin this.
Ok. Stop. No.
Are you having a stroke?
- It's not that bad. - Promise me one thing.
I will let you take my mom to dinner, but no dancing.
Don't risk it. We good?
You're very insensitive.
- Are... we... good? - Yeah, we're good.
Good. Goodnight, jj.
'Night, Sophie. Thanks for the confidence boost.
You're welcome.
- What was the emergency? - Uh, nothing, really.
Hm. Weird. Anything I should know about?
- No. - Ok.
Kate on video: ..Was wondering if maybe
you would like fo grab a bite with me.
Jj on video: Yeah.
Are you kidding me? What the hell are you thinking?
I wasn't thinking. It was this adrenaline-charged moment.
Her eyes were amazing. You are off the rails!
First, you take the kid skating, then you go to show-and-tell,
and now you're going on a date
with the woman we're supposed to be surveilling
and you're lying to me about it.
If I'm with her, I'll know she's safe.
Well, dude, our job isn't to keep her safe, ok?
It's to see if the bad guy makes contact with her.
- That is our mission. - There is no mission.
This is all nonsense.
There is no covert information in that apartment,
just a broken family and that is the truth.
The truth? We're gonna talk about the truth, finally? Great!
Well, I know that you lost your entire team
on your last deployment.
That's classified.
Yeah. Well, I'm the tech, remember?
I can work around that -
something you might find useful if you'd ever trust me,
but I get it.
You're the guy who's all closed off, huh? "Ll work alone."
You're on thin ice.
Maybe you should take Kate out to dinner
so you can get over all that crap in your past
and see if you still have a heart
underneath that tattooed forest.
- Fine. I will. - Great! Have a great dinner!
Well, that's not how I intended that to go.
Hey, jj! Got a sec?
Uh, got a date.
Yeah, we heard from Sophie. She sent us the sos.
Ooh. Shit's out of style.
Ain't that right, Todd?
Carlos: Come on.
Come on, we're not gonna bite you. Come on.
Kate's a very special lady. Don't you agree?
- Definitely. - Beautiful.
- Smart. - Been through a lot, though.
Vulnerable, single mom.
Todd wants to know what your intentions are.
We're just going out to dinner.
Todd was raised by a single mother.
- The situation concerns him. - Well, just dinner, Todd.
And this is just a friendly chat between neighbours.
Let's not keep up this cha... rade, jj.
We know how men think, ok?
No. Guys, I'll treat her well. I promise. You can trust me.
Alright. How much time do we have?
I guess I can be a little late. 10 minutes?
10 minutes?! I'm not god. This will never work.
Just cancel and reschedule for may.
- Mm... - Ok.
Todd's right. We can do this.
First, we gotta do something about this shirt.
You look like you're advertising brawny towels.
Who are you, the quicker picker upper?
Then we have to exfoliate.
I don't know what that means.
You guys are starting to freak me out.
So, Sophie tells me you guys just moved back from Paris.
Kate: Mm-hm.
Yeah. Um...
Yeah, when... When her dad passed,
we stayed for a bit, but it was hard.
Last year, the police raided our house and took everything,
froze our accounts, seized our assets.
Turned out that my husband was involved in some very bad stuff
and, um, I didn't know.
Yeah, it's...
It's scary what some people can keep secret.
Ah, we meet again.
Where are we at?
Been together an hour 20.
Seems to be going well, smiles on both sides.
Solid fashion choice.
He looks handsome. “What's with the shirt?
He got queer-eyed by Todd and Carlos.
Sweet. Do you want audio?
- Do you have audio? - What am I, like, nine?
No offence.
Kate: Just so nice fo be out with the grown-ups.
Sophie, if you ever wanna share with me
what jj taught you, that'd be cool, but...
Ah, never mind.
Sure, I could teach you
if you teach me how to tap a phone.
Kate: So, what about you?
What twist of fate brought you across the hallway from us?
Kate, there's something...
There's something I need to tell you.
Do you want to dance?
Because I haven't danced in ages.
Correct. Don't think. You should not.
Are you afraid?
- Oh, god. - Let's do it.
- Kate: Yes! - Let's do it.
- No, no, no. - Yes, yes, yes!
Alright, here we go.
Cardi b raps: J hotter than a Somali fur coat, Ferrari
j hop out the stu', jump in the coupe
j big Dipper on top of the roof
j flexing on bitches as hard as I can... j
wait. Wait.
- Man: Hey, watch it! - Jj: Sorry, man. I'm so sorry.
Mm...
J run this shit like cardio oh, facts
j diamond district in the jag... j
oh, no. It's happening.
He's going to wind up on the 'today' show.
This looks like the wedding at the end of 'Shrek'.
I had a lot of fun tonight.
Yeah, me too.
- Well, goodnight. - 'Night.
Well, math story problems can be tricky,
so you gotta break 'em down.
First, figure out what they're asking you
and then you do the math.
- How'd you get that scar? - That? Shrapnel.
Check this one.
Scooter.
Solid. Now concentrate, ok?
Was my dad a bad guy?
Um...
Yes. Yeah.
Uh, well, I think...
I think he made some bad decisions,
especially about getting involved with your uncle,
but if he helped make you,
he couldn't have been all that bad, right?
Alright. Math.
Let's say there's 12 really bad guys and I gotta take them down,
but I've got a partner.
If you divide a dozen bad guys by the two of us,
how many bad guys do each of us get to take down?
Sophie: Well, 12 divided by 2 is 6,
but if your partner is Bobbi,
you're taking down all 12
and she's cheering you on from the Van.
Oh, but, wait, then seven more bad guys surround your compound
and you don't know which way to go
because your tech support hates you and drove away,
so, oops, you're dead.
- Hi, Kate. - Hey. Can I ask a favour?
- Jj over phone: Um, yeah, ok. - They just extended my shift.
Can you look in on Sophie?
I mean, I'm sure she'll be fine, but it's a long time alone.
Jj over phone: Yeah, no problem.
Thanks. You're a lifesaver.
Oh, can you make sure she does her homework?
You got it.
Hi, mom.
We finished homework, so we made dinner.
- Yeah. - What are we having?
Well, I can't cook, so protein shakes.
- And grilled cheese sandwiches. - That's right.
I got that.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Yeah.
I know I should have called before I stayed.
I didn't expect to walk into this.
I'm sorry. Sophie can be really convincing.
No, you're not in trouble.
I just... I wanted to say thank you.
Aww!
You stumbling into our lives has been a breath of fresh air.
Sophie: Mom, where does this go?
I'll be back.
Oh, yeah, he's toast.
Where are my plans?
The clock is ticking.
Azar, you worry too much.
I've located them, but I'm gonna need 24 hours.
Let's go inside. There are eyes all around us.
I think Marquez has found what he's looking for.
Move in. Now!
- Christina: Freeze! - Don't move!
Get in.
Go!
We've got them pinned. I want both teams...
- Must be pretty important. - Kim: Oh, it is.
That's why I wanted to do it here.
- The operation is over. - Bobbil: What?
We closed in on Marquez in Berlin.
So rather than be taken, he blew himself up.
There are multiple bodies.
Forensics are sifting through the mess.
Kim: So the mission's over
and we no longer need to be watching the family.
Ok, so I guess we'll go back to Chicago and clear out?
You'll be doing more than that.
You'll also be clearing out your desks here.
Oh, man. You tapped into our hard drive.
Uh... that's kinda what we do.
That is not what it looks like.
That... I can explain that.
J they call me cardi b
j I run this shit like cardio... j
1 million hits? Wow, that's...
Not the point.
Just one job.
Just one job. To sit and watch.
But no, you compromised a mission
and broke protocol.
- That can't be tolerated! - This wasn't Bobbi's fault.
- I took this... - You guys are done.
Wow, I'm... I just...
And you couldn't just call us in Chicago and tell us that
so we could clear out there?
You had to fly us out here to tell us that?
That's very expensive.
Is email not working?
These are tax dollars.
Bobbi, when are you gonna say something?
I mean, the whole flight back, nothing.
You know? Alright, fine, I was wrong.
I didn't listen. You warned me.
You know, say something. Why aren't you mad at me?
'Cause you're my hero, dude.
I liked watching you become a normal person.
Good luck.
- Hey! Hi, come on in. - Hey. Alright.
So, where have you been?
Uh, yeah, I, uh...
I got some hopefully good news.
And some... some potentially upsetting news.
- Oh. - First the good news.
Ok.
Kate...
I really like you. A lot.
You've opened up a part of me that's been
closed off for a really long time.
Well, let's just say the feeling's mutual.
Um, the... potentially upsetting news?
Bobbi: Oh, boy.
We're CIA.
I'm so sorry.
Kate...
- How stupid. - Jj: Kate...
Kate.
- Where are they? - Kate...
(God!
You're good, jj. You are really good!
With all your... your stories.
And Sophie!
I was trying to protect you.
Jj?
Sophie, go to your room.
- Please. - Wait, mom.
Don't be mad. I can explain.
You knew about this?
Sophie...
How could you?!
It's my job, Kate.
I eave.
Sophie...
Song: J I'm on the road to getting better... j&
what have I done?
You were right this whole time.
Bobbi: Oh, I was.
I let it get personal.
With the kid and Kate.
I was weak.
I mean, personal isn't a weakness.
In your case, it ruined your career
and threatened national security,
but most people do have personal relationships.
Not me.
I have a fish.
How's he doing?
Not so good.
I'm also just a girl...
Standing in front of a boy...
Asking him to love her.
It's the saddest movie ever.
I used walking ozzie as a decoy to get to see you.
That was smart.
You shouldn't be here.
I made this for you.
It's not a fish, so it won't die on you.
You can keep it forever.
Come on. Let me walk you back.
We're not going to see each other again,
are we?
I'll, uh...
I'll check on you from time to time, ok?
I'm never gonna forget you, ok? Promise.
Mom? Mom, are you ok? What happened?
Sophie, go play.
Whoa! Holy crap!
Isn't this cute?
Little Sophie has a new play date from the CIA.
Sit down.
Why don't you just go, Victor? Please, just leave.
The CIA is watching us. They're gonna be here any minute.
No, I took care of that with some explosives
and an old building with a tunnel system
left over from world war il.
Good boy.
It's not gonna hold forever, but...
I only need a day.
Don't hurt him! This little guy?
I would never hurt him.
He means more to me than any of you do.
He's my brother's best friend.
Hey!
Oh, my god. What do I do?
Oh, I'm gonna touch!
Ahh!
Great, teach the kid. No need to show me anything.
It's all there.
Carlos: Hello, family!
Door was open. Todd made his famous hummus.
- No, you guys need to leave. - Yeah, I have family over.
Y'all are being extremely rude.
You know how hard it is making hummus from scratch?
I eave now.
Ok, that's it. Now you've hurt Todd's feelings. Todd?
I can't believe this.
How'd you guys know?
We'll take that, jj.
I'd prefer not to put holes in a pretty thing like you.
Ok, I'm confused. You're in on this?
Is there anyone in this building
who's not lying about who they are?
Carlos: We're independent contractors.
When the plans didn't hit the market after your husband died,
we figured they must be here.
We decided to play the long game.
No-one ever suspects the gay couple next door.
Sorry, you're lying about being gay too?!
Oh, no, we're gay.
We fell in love through this mission, though.
It's really a cute story.
We found out we both have a passion
for ceviche and long-range missiles.
Oh, and you were good too.
We expected CIA surveillance but it never occurred to us
that someone would actually get involved with their target.
But enough of that. The drive, jj.
It's nothing personal, honey. We're still friends.
Wow.
Ozzie!
- Sophie: Jj! - Kate: No!
No!
I'm on Marquez!
Freeze!
I will shoot you right in your beautifully botoxed face.
We both know you don't have what it takes to pull that trigger.
Oh, bitch, you don't know me.
You're not very good at the gun thing, buttercup.
Maybe.
But you know what I'm really good at?
Kicking...
Um...
Uh, kicking...
Let me go! Let me go!
Jd! Jj!
Dss.
Get in!
Uncle Victor, why are you doing this?
You're my insurance. And don't call me 'uncle'.
Your father and I hated each other. I'm not your family.
I wanna go home. Take me back.
Shut up! Not another word.
Bobbi, you there? Can you get eyes on?
Yeah! Yeah, I just gotta get a lock on the satellite.
It'll just take a minute.
I have her on find my iPhone. Going west on 88th.
Jj: May I suggest keeping your eyes on the road?
- Or sidewalk! - Man: Hey, you crazy...
- What the hell is on that drive? - Nuclear, end-of-world stuff.
It's still not a good reason for lying to me!
Totally right. Not a good reason.
Bobbi: I got you on satellite.
Looks like they're headed to naperville.
- There's an airfield there. - On it.
In a quarter of a mile, turn left.
Are you using waze?!
Yes! Your driving's frightening me.
Let me go!
Don't move.
- Kate, I wouldn't. - Hold on!
You have reached your destination.
Whoa. Not what I expected.
Actually, I... I didn't expect that either.
Kate: Don't let him leave with her!
What are you gonna do?
I'm working on it!
Who builds a runway at the edge of a cliff?!
You messed with the wrong dude.
We'll see about that.
Don't worry, Sophie. He ain't getting by me.
You're starting to piss me off.
I shoot this fuel and everybody dies.
Then let's make this quick.
Is it just me or does this seem familiar?
I'm a little busy right now!
No, I mean, the propeller and the fuel tank.
It's like all we're missing is Nazis.
Stop talking!
No! No!
Jj!
Sophie!
Do not move!
Jj, I'm scared!
Don't look down!
Just look at me.
Sophie.
We need to balance out the plane or it's gonna fall.
- What? - I need you go to out the front.
I'm gonna go out the back and meet you on the wing, ok?
Just move slow and don't look down.
You can do it, ok?
Ok.
Ahh!
Stop!
Victor: Sophie, I'll take that.
Sophie, don't do it.
Sweetheart,
you just throw it to me and I promise
that I'll let you and your new friend live.
Sophie, no.
Let him have it.
Good girl.
But I lied.
Guess that runs in the family.
Not on my side.
Have a nice flight, dick.
"Have a nice flight, dick"?
Give me a break. I was nervous.
Not bad, kid.
Jj, it's gonna blow.
Go, go. Go!
Jj, wait!
Sophie!
Please.
What are you guys doing?!
It's a dud.
Where's the fun in that?
That's ok. Thanks.
Don't tell anyone I did this.
What the hell? You just walk around with that thing?
Kim: Alright, guys.
Seriously, seriously. Put a pin in the applause. Knock it off.
Well, we're facing a lot of exposure over how this went down
but you should know the family really went to bat for you.
Christina: Way to pull it outta the fire.
Thanks.
So we've been giving it a lot of thought, and, um...
We'd like you back. Yes!
And I'm giving you your pick of assignments. Wherever you want.
Well, I was thinking about not travelling for a bit.
- Keep it domestic? - Somewhere in Chicago, maybe?
Maybe.
But I gotta clear it with my partner.
Really? Yeah. Chicago?
Yeah! Yeah.
Um... wow!
I'd like to be back in the Van, actually.
- No more guns. - No.
And if we're really partners,
then I should get equal pay with jj.
Yeah, me too.
- Equal pay. - Mm-hm.
Um...
I'm gonna have to talk to someone upstairs about that.
There is no upstairs. We are on the top floor.
- Sophie: Looking good, jj. - Jj: Thank you, honey.
Kate: I'd have to agree.
Sophie: Eww! No!
Oh! Uh, Sophie, we're gonna play tag. Come on!
Be right there.
Being popular can be a real time suck.
Jj: Have fun, kid.
J I like shining I like million-dollar bills
j where's my pen? Bitch, I'm signing
j I like those balenciagas the ones that look like... I
oh, god.
Please no.
J I like texts from my exes
j when they want a second chance
j I like proving others wrong I do what they say I can't
j they call me cardi bardi, banging body
j spicy mami, hot tamale
j hotter than a Somali
j fur coat, Ferrari
j hop out the stu', jump in the coupe
j big Dipper on top of the roof
j flexing on bitches as hard as I can
j eating halal, driving the lam'
j told that bitch I'm sorry, though
j 'bout my coins like Mario
j yeah, they call me cardi b
j I run this shit like cardio whoo, facts!
&' diamond district in the chain => I said I like it like that
j' certified, you know I'm gang I said I like it like... j
been practising, bitches!
Song: J here we go, come on
j they can see us comin' from a mile away
j they wanna see us, wanna be us, nah, we don't play
j getting' fancy, edge of your seat
j we got a groove makin' you move now get on your feet
j it's like one, two, what's the move
j I got two, three, follow me
j I got four, five, that's the vibe
j like six, do it like this
j get up, right now
j get up right now
j get up, right now
j get up! J do it like this
j get up, right now
j get up right now
j get up, right now
j get up! J do it like this
j whoo!
J here we go, c'mon
j everybody's gonna have a really good time
j we got a crew ready to do whatever's poppin' tonight
j yeah, you know that it's the place to be
j so get next to me and we be feelin' so fine
j it's like one, two, what's the move
j I got two, three, follow me
j I got four, five, that's the vibe
j like six, do it like this
j get up, right now
j get up right now
j get up, right now
j get up! J do it like this
j get up, right now
j get up right now
j get up, right now
j get up! J do it like this
j whoo!
J whoo! J
j ooh, yeah
j feelin' so good
j ooh, yeah
j feelin' so fine
j ooh, yeah
j feelin' so good
j get up, right now
j get up right now
j get up, right now
j get up j do it like this
j get up, right now
j get up right now
j get up
j do it like what? J